Monday, February 23, 2015

He's 1!

this sweet little boy turned 1 this month! we had a cowboy themed birthday bash with family and friends to celebrate. that's a pretty good photo of the 4 of us considering we really felt like poop. mila was a day in to her second round of antibiotics for another double ear infection. and we would soon find out that duke had a double ear infection too. then boss got bronchitis. then mama got a sinus infection. we've been through the ringer this season with illness. we leave for the snow in a few days so i'm praying everyone is healthy for the trip. altitude and congestion/hurting ears are not a good combo. 

at 1 year, duke can:

play patty cake
points at everything
wave with both his hands
give loves
roll a ball to you
loves to hide toys and find them
play peek-a-boo
say dadadadada and mamammama
he loves his pacifier and blanky
he weighs 23 pounds and 12 ounces

duke is the biggest sweetheart. he loves to cuddle and laugh, play with his sister, bang on anything that will make a loud noise and be wherever you are. he takes two good naps a day and sleeps all night. and he loves to eat. anything and everything. well, except broccoli and avocado. he's not a fan of those. but put anything else in front of him and he will devour it. and then ask for more. it's kind of like if you give a dukers food, he will want more. and then probably more.

we love you to the moon dukers. 

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

the great debate

in recent weeks the great debate seems to be to vaccinate or not to vaccinate. well, more like "how can you selfish asses not vaccinate your kids?!" "how can you poison your babies and give them this junk that causes autism?!" that's more along the lines of what i see. and i have largely stayed away. i read the links shared on Facebook. i watch the news. we went to disneyland 2 weeks before this outbreak. TWO WEEKS. we have a 11 month old son at home who cannot be vaccinated for MMR until his first birthday. what if we had gone later? what if we had brought home this deadly illness to our sweet son?

the thought alone kills me inside. i worry about colds. i worry about green noses and ear infections and coughs. i worry about fender benders. cars driving too fast while we walk to the park. i worry about leaving her at preschool; not incredibly worry but a little piece of me has that thought (you know what thought) lingering. i worry about my sweet girls feelings being hurt. i worry about her falling from the play structure. i worry about duke bonking his head while learning to walk. i worry about his little teeth because he has irregular enamel. i worry about my kids getting cavities.

do you see my point? these are the normal worries of a mama and daddy. these are the day to day things that wrack my brain. and these thoughts were here before either of them came out of my belly. we should NOT have to worry about diseases that have once been basically eradicated. pardon my french, but what the fuck are you thinking when you choose not vaccinate your kids? what the fuck are you thinking when you have the thoughts that everyone else is vaccinated so your precious children are protected? what the fuck article did you read that told you autism is linked or directly caused by the MMR vaccine? what the fuck makes you think you are smarter and know more than your pediatrician?

because i bet you don't. and if you don't like or trust your pediatrician, then maybe you should find a new one.

i am pro vaccination. i am pro protecting my babies to the death of me. i will protect them and fight for them and worry for them every second of their lives.

//i am also a believer in everyone doing what is best for their family. i am pro bottle, pro boob. pro preschool, pro homeschool. pro working mom, pro stay at home mom. pro 1 kid, pro 5 kids. but this topic is not something i take lightly and i truly believe that the best thing is to vaccinate your children. the best way to protect them is to vaccinate them//


last night i read a post about what has been learned in 2014. what did i learn? my mind ran. it ran away with this question. in a million directions.

i learned:

1. that babies are made in lots of ways. in 2013 i experienced a loss that i didn't know would rock my world the way it did. we did IVF and i gave birth to a perfect baby boy in February. i learned that it doesn't matter how he got into my belly, he's here. and i'm forever grateful.

2. that loss can happen to anyone. i've been following a beautiful family that lost their 3 year old boy last may. i randomly came across her instagram account the day after the accident. i learned that my heart can and will break for people i don't even know. people whom i will never meet. but i ache for them.

3. that friends will come and friends will go. friends will walk into your life, bring presence to something you didn't know existed, and then just as easily leave. and even as they leave, they can bring awareness. i've actually learned this many times, for many years. and i'm sure it will keep being engrained for years to come. my children will learn this and i know it will be hard. it takes seasons of friendships, good and bad, to learn that the quality of the company you keep is much more important the quantity.

4. that my husband is amazing. seriously. this too, i already knew. but i will forever re-learn that he is my friend and he is here. forever. no matter what life throws at us, we will walk out the other side hand in hand.

5. that home is where you make it. we sold our very first house we made a home in July. it was so so hard for me to walk away. like crocodile tears. big time. i was pregnant with mila when we bought it. we brought both the kids home there. we had lists and lists and more lists of our dreams for the yard, master bathroom, an addition, new fencing. but i came to realize, that home is where your family is. living with my parents for 4 months was home. it is where i grew up. its where duke spent over half the life he's been living. it's where we slept on a mattress in the dining room. where mila potty trained. it was home.

6. that my hopes for closeness between family members is probably a dream i need to give up. i've wished and hoped for it. since before we were married. since before we had babies. since before they had babies. and after each of these milestones…those dreams were dashed away. i kept holding onto it, kept dreaming that maybe after the next thing, it would happen. the closeness would come. the memories would be made. but it didn't. and i truly don't think it ever will. and i have to learn to be ok with it.

7. that some days, a lot of days, i am a sucky mom. i cry. i struggle. we don't make it to the park. i don't hold up on what i said. the day gets away. she cries. i apologize a lot and say i love you profusely.  and then she get's a hot dog at costco and is happy again. (and mom eats a churro) i need them to know that i love them. good thing kids are really forgiving and strong.

8. that this world is harsh. it is beautiful and kind. but it is really ugly, too.

9. i can't wait to work again. i want to find something that's mine. i want to start some kind of business. i've dreamed of doing this for years but never have. i can say i've never had the time but that's an excuse. i can say we've not had the money, but that's a lie too.

there are a million other points i can list but i think these are the more important ones.