Monday, December 21, 2009


Another life has been taken from us but this time too soon. Annie McMann, a beloved family friend passed away on Saturday evening. She has been fighting Cancer and lost her battle. She is a beloved mother, wife, daughter and sister who will forever be missed. Annie lived a life full of helping 'lost souls' as her husband Peter wrote on her blog yesterday. Her sons are great friends of mine and it breaks my heart Annie will not get to see them be married and raise families in the ways she raised them.

I said to my brother "She died so young, she didn't get to live a full life." He responded that she did live a full life; she raised an amazing family, conquered her dreams and goals and will watch them continue on their journey's from heaven." RIP Annie.

These last few weeks have been rough with the loss of two much loved people; one who lived to 100 years old and the other who survived cancer to her early 50's. I am trying to learn from these two lives rather than be saddened. They lived full lives, cherished each day and loved the ones in their lives who may have been broken or lost. They never judged, only accepted. I hope I can live a life full of love and happiness; take bad in stride with the good and live everyday as if it could be my last; for you never know what life will hand you.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Te Amo

This morning my great-grandma took her last breaths. She was peacefully sleeping and I know she is now in a better place. I love you Bootsie, you were an amazing woman. I will continue to celebrate the wonderful life you lived and forever cherish the lifelong memories we made together.

Te Amo

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Call

Well, I just got a call that Bootsie is probably not going to make it much longer... And I feel alone and devastated. I have only lost two family members, one when I was 7 and the other a year ago. And I wasn't near as close with them as I am with Bootsie (not that that would make me feel any less sad) I am going to see her tomorrow but what if she passes tonight? If she does, I hope she falls asleep to sweet dreams.

I am scared to death of death. I worry about it constantly. Every time Trevor leaves I can't help but wonder "What if this is the last time I will ever see him?" "What if something happens to me and I can't get to the phone to call him?" I can't help but wonder if this is happening because we are getting married soon and I am realizing just how important our life together and our happiness is? I worry that when I am driving the girls something will happen and I won't know what to do. I am sure my mock motherly instinct would kick in but they aren't would be on me. I freak out whenever we have an earthquake, no matter the size. I am constantly worrying...anxious. Anxiety pretty much just sucks.

I am scared. Not of where I am going or what is going to happen when I get there. Of being without my best friend and other half.