Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Call

Well, I just got a call that Bootsie is probably not going to make it much longer... And I feel alone and devastated. I have only lost two family members, one when I was 7 and the other a year ago. And I wasn't near as close with them as I am with Bootsie (not that that would make me feel any less sad) I am going to see her tomorrow but what if she passes tonight? If she does, I hope she falls asleep to sweet dreams.

I am scared to death of death. I worry about it constantly. Every time Trevor leaves I can't help but wonder "What if this is the last time I will ever see him?" "What if something happens to me and I can't get to the phone to call him?" I can't help but wonder if this is happening because we are getting married soon and I am realizing just how important our life together and our happiness is? I worry that when I am driving the girls something will happen and I won't know what to do. I am sure my mock motherly instinct would kick in but they aren't would be on me. I freak out whenever we have an earthquake, no matter the size. I am constantly worrying...anxious. Anxiety pretty much just sucks.

I am scared. Not of where I am going or what is going to happen when I get there. Of being without my best friend and other half.

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