our new journey

 two years ago I had a tubal pregnancy that ruptured my fallopian tube and resulted in emergency surgery and removal of my tube. as i'm sure you can imagine, i was completely devastated. our first pregnancy...our first baby...gone forever. our OB is a wonderful man that i trust 100% and he assured me another baby would be on it's way in no time. and sure enough, 3 months later, i saw two pink lines on the pee stick and almost had a heart attack! i was pregnant!!!! YEEHAW! we had an early ultrasound and to my very surprise, there was our precious little dot right where it was supposed to be; snuggled in my uterus. 9 months later i gave birth to an amazing sweet baby girl.

and we experienced this loss again last week. i immediately knew something was not right on Tuesday morning. boss rushed me to the ER and i told them i was sure i had internal bleeding. and of course, they looked at me like i was nutty. i said 'no, you have to believe me. i've been down this road before and i KNOW something is wrong.' an agonizing ultrasound, blood test and hour later the diagnosis was confirmed. i was experiencing another tubal pregnancy. tears. sobs. our dr arrived within minutes and after visiting pathology, told me i would once again be rushed in for surgery. more tears and more sobs. as he began to ask me about the possibility of saving my tube i cut him off with a firm 'hello no! take it.' i never wanted to risk this happening to me again. there are no words to describe how it feels to know you will never be able to conceive naturally again. it is a sad hollow feeling. and at that same moment i felt such an immense love for my baby girl playing at home. what a miracle she is.

our new journey of IVF  is going to be difficult and long. emotionally draining. i have officially joined millions of other women in the world of infertility. but we will prevail. there will be more babies for our family. i am strong and i know we will be successful. as a way to cope, i will continue to blog about our family and journey.